i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
not ubering you a puppy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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