Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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