well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
