So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
