I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
