Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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