Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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