I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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