So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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