i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
