I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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