my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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