Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
