we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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