Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
