I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
