o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
