i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
