who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
where does the pee come out of this thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
