I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
