yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
