You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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