I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
try to milk me bitch
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