That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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