If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
