So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
