Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish you could order shots online.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
