i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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