Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
