Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
