Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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