So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
