So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
