You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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