How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
