No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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