I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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