He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
