So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
