Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so let's talk penis.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
