Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
