6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
