You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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