dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
