can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
