Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
