Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
