Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
