i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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