Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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