walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
