my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
